The idea is that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink… or, to use a LARP analogy, you can teach someone the rules and concepts of the game but helping them to grasp concepts that have eluded them their whole lives is tough at best and impossible at worst for the storyteller or admin who only sees folks for a few hours each month.
We’re not licensed therapists or councilors… what I’m about to talk about in this blog, however, comes from years of experience as a player, a storyteller and game organizer… and as a former outcast.
Confessions of a Failure
Believe it or not, I was ‘that’ girl. In grade school they called me “Dino the Dog” and locked me in lockers, they beat the snot out of me on the bus and teachers and other adults often just watched. Grade school was, and will always be in my mind, what hell looks like. All I wanted to do was fit in and be accepted. I was overly nice to everyone, I tried so hard and every time I failed to make friends I felt like I wanted to just die. Literally. When it comes to issues… I had subscriptions.
When I got into gaming at first I was that 160lbs, all curves, fresh meat college freshmen who every gamer guy drooled over but no one took seriously. Sure, everyone wanted my tits around but when it came right down to it… my excitement over finally feeling like I “belonged” made me irritating as hell to be around. I was excitable, I was obsessive over everything and to this very day … I sometimes get really pissed off when I think I’m being viewed as such. I knew what was being said, I wasn’t an idiot. The girls pegged me as a slut, the guys wanted to bang me and in the end, no one wanted me around.
When I started LARPing I was on a real bender of life’s suckage. I put all my energy into playing, storytelling and anything else that took my mind off of the things that hurt in my real life. Again this made me come off as less than desirable to hang out with (luckily I had the smarts to see my good friends who, many of you, are still around today and even playing here… and didn’t push you away.) Every failure I had icly and as a storyteller was someone else’s fault and believe me… I had good reasons for everything that went wrong. I could make anyone buy my stories and see things my way and maybe I wasn’t 100% wrong but I wasn’t 100% right either.
At the end of the day - I had more dead characters than I care to admit to even today. God knows the only reason I stuck with the hobby was that it was one of my only social outlets but… years later, I now know that LARP has taught me a lot about life, people, self-respect, empathy, and so much more. So… I’m glad I’m here. And, I’m glad you’re here too.
Now, what’s up with the “reality tv style confessional” … I’m hoping that any player out there, no matter what situation they may be in when they come across my post, will understand that YES, I do know where you’re coming from and the following information CAN help you. I would have given my left arm to have someone tell me this way back in the day and so, I’m passing along what I know in the hopes that it can help you in the same way it’s helped me.
Knowing YOUR Value
Any time you get large groups of people together they will amass in smaller groups (or cliques as we use to call them in grade school) and it is in the nature of the former outcast to assume they are not included in their most ideal clique because the “in crowd” is just a bunch of jack asses. And let’s face it… sometimes they are, especially if they were once outcasts too.
I’ve learned that no one can be as vicious a “Queen Bee” or “Alpha Male” as one who rose up from “nobody of their school” to become “Lord/Lady High Commander of the LARP People.” It feels GOOD to be THAT GUY for once in your life. No matter how great person you are, you’ve probably had a laugh at someone else’s expense and if you have… you’re just as likely to fall into the same BS role as they have so watch your step!
It’s tough, as a friend or LARP admin, to look at that guy/gal and say, “Dude, you’re being a jack ass” and more importantly… it’s not really my job but, that doesn’t stop people from becoming so disgruntled with that jack ass that they walk out on my LARP or leave and never speak to me again. Kinda dumb when you think about it… you’re not punishing the guy who was a jack ass when you leave a LARP (now he has one less person to compete with for ic resources, st attention etc) actually you hurt your game, you leave behind the fun you did have and in the end… no one wins. Not you, not your ST, and not even the jack ass who didn’t realize how much you added to his game (see my post: Thank Your Nemesis for more on this.)
So, you’re feeling pretty low about your situation - the in crowd won’t come play with you or worse they are constantly coming down on you … what do you do?
First off, give yourself props for what you do well. It could be that the “in crowd” isn’t excluding you but you just haven’t found your place with them yet. In any social circle there are roles people play … think about it like a TV show. There’s the main character, his best friend, maybe the goofy neighbor, the plucky sidekick, … well, in your real life these roles exist too and most of the time you play that role and never realize it.
If you cast yourself in the role of “that ugly worthless geek everyone finds annoying and just hangs out hoping to catch the attention of the cool kids” … that’s what you’ll be! If you, instead, realize you’re funny as hell … or maybe you’re understanding and kind to new folks… or maybe you get people excited and have a nack for amp’ing energy of the group… EMBRACE THAT. Be who you are and you WILL find others will love you for that.
Secondly, don’t discount what you have. If you find yourself sitting around with five other people bitching about those jack ass ‘cool kids’ … stop thinking of THEM as the cool kids and BE the cool kids. You got a circle of friends and obviously they think the world of you and each other, they got your back, don’t do what the “in crowd” is doing… don’t look down on them! Be secure in your friendships and yourself and charge forth ready to take the game by the horns and turn it on it’s ear and NOT necessarily in a bad way. Why must you stoop so low as to be the jack asses who burn the world down and break the laws of society icly? Why can’t you be the hero?
Listen, in all my years of storytelling I have seen this more times than I can count (example…)
Tom, Sally, Suzie, Bill: “Damn those jack ass in-crowd people. They all think they are hot shit and keep screwing us socially and shutting us out of plot. I know, let’s all dump a crap ton of exp into our characters and go out and burn down the city. I’m bored and don’t want to play their stupid game anymore! So fuck ‘em, we’ll teach them a lesson!”
An hour later the city is in flames… Tom and his friends have had a GREAT time burning things down and being agents of chaos and destruction but now they’ve been captured and their characters are killed. They go home and are angry because “once again” they were screwed by the in-crowd.
As an ST I get that they felt shut out or icly picked on… that they had NO IDEA how to move forward or respond to the ic events that were happening to them but 9 times out of 10 do you know what is true: Tom and his friends NEVER came to me or any storyteller and asked, “how the heck do I solve this problem?” or “can you give me some pointers?”
Instead they were happy as hell to sit around and bitch and repeat the processes that got character after character killed until, eventually, they stopped coming to the game and EVERYONE suffered for it.
Don’t be Tom and his friends. You don’t have to be destructive icly when you feel like you are given no options by the other players. There are ways to become involved - Which leads me to…
Selling Your Character
People aren’t mind readers, if you want in character cookies from or with the cool kids… let them know you have milk. This game is about social interaction and stories are told between the players. If all you do is keep everything about your character a super-secret between yourself and the ST and never let anything slip, then you can’t expect anyone to enjoy the wonder of the story you have created with your character.
Equally important if the other players have no idea you know how to do stuff, that your character has certain lores, merits, contacts or other fun stuff… they have NO REASON to go out of their way to include you. The world of vampire is a dangerous one and knowledge is power. If you want your character to become the local fense to the black market (for example) that means letting other players know you have ties and control over the black market. No one is going to GUESS what you can do and they aren’t likely to spend time figuring it out unless you give them a good reason.
Communication With Other Players
If all else fails, try the direct approach and ask if you can come have fun in their sandbox. If it looks like they are having a blast and you’re not… but you want to… just say, “Hey, I really would love to get in on the action with the
9 out of 10 times this works. Most players aren’t creeps and if they see even their arch nemesis making an effort to constructively become involved, they will offer a hand. YES, there is that 10th jerk who will say something like, “Gosh I wish I could but my character wouldn’t…” I call that bunk. My fictional character doesn’t MAKE me DO anything. If a player wants to help another player… they will find a way and if you find yourself shut down this way you might consider…
Communication With Staff
Can’t figure out what you have to “offer” in social situations, can’t figure out how to icly solve a problem or become involved, other players shutting you out and you don’t know how to open the doors with them? The Staff might be able to help.
We’re not miracle workers though so be warned… you can’t be a total jerk off to your fellow players, being sarcastic at afters… crude in the ooc chat… or just mean and expect that we can wave our “magic wand of cool” and make you “hip.”
No dice bucko… doesn’t work that way.
However, we do have a ton of great ideas, resources and experience in this sort of thing and when all else fails that’s what we’re here for. So… before you and your friends decide to “Go All Tom” on the game… or worse just leave… please for the love of puppies and rainbows… come talk to us.
After all, if you REALLY wanna have fun and have tried everything else… what do you have to lose?
UNTIL NEXT TIME,
DeAnna Ross
MGP… Exec. Sec. Tech/Services
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